Wow. I've spent an hour of my life watching cutscenes with excruciating dialogue and pressing the "A" button periodically. Seriously. What the hell is this shit? I'm really hard-pressed to call this a game. Does it still count as gameplay when all you do press the "A" button? Once to select "Auto Attack" and once to attack whichever enemy is already highlighted. That's all I'm doing, and I'm getting 5 star ratings for every battle and finishing them in half the target time. Even when I'm not watching cutscenes--and about 30 minutes of the first hour is cutscenes--I feel like the "combat" is just a damn cutscene. My favorite part was when after watching a 5 minute cutscene, the game was nice enough to let me push forward on the joystick for 5 seconds before I was forced to watch another 5 minute cutscene.
I guess I wouldn't mind so much if the cutscenes didn't suck so much dick. What kind of pussy-ass name is Snow? This guy just talks about how he's a fucking hero and he's so intelligent that he brings his fists to gun fights. Here're my favorite (read: "fucking dumbest") lines so far:
"Real heroes don't have plans!"
"Didn't I tell you? Moms are tough."
That second one comes up about 5 seconds before she dies from a fall that didn't even seem to bruise Snow (who couldn't care less about her death). Oh, and there's also some chick named Lightning (who does have a bitchin' Swiss army sword and rocks a mullet that would make Billy Ray Cyrus jealous) and the kid whose mom wasn't as tough as she thought is named Hope. There's also a black guy with a canary named Chewbacca living in his afro...that dude is cool.
And what the hell is with the clothing? These idiots are trying to fight some oppressive government while making sure they look stylish as hell (this must be the Japanese equivalent to space marines fighting Nazis). What's the best attire for fighting robots with guns? How about wearing nothing but a vest with fur trim or just dressing like a pirate hooker? Snow likes to wear a beige trench coat that magically has a wolf on the back while he's fighting.
Lastly, there's some pigtailed hooker who after watching Hope's mom die (Hope is a boy, mind you) decides that there's no time for grieving, he has to drive a flying F-Zero Arcade cabinet into what I guess is some sort of flying fortress shaped like a crucifix. She also likes to make random sex noises during conversation. Okay, I might be alright with that last part, but she's still a bloody strumpet!
In case you can't tell, this is my first foray into a JRPG that doesn't demand that I "catch 'em all." I was just so pleased with Mass Effect 2 that I thought, "Hey, maybe I should play RPGs more often." I'm not ready to call the game a load of shit just yet, but the outlook is bleak. If the game continues to consist of, "Run straight, enter battle, press 'A' until battle is over, watch cutscene," I will quickly lose patience.
--Chilly P
[Update]: Alright, I'm something around 5 hours into the game and now that there actually seems to be a plot, I'm enjoying the game more. Also, while most battles are still mindless "press 'A' to continue," there are some more difficult battles where you have change up how your entire party approaches the fight on the fly. It's kind of real-time turn-based sort of like Bioware games of old, but really complicated. There's potential there, though. I'm no longer hating it, but it's still ridiculous and strictly linear (so much so that I might as well be on a rail between fights and cutscenes).
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Welcome to the very distinct difference between East and West RPGs. Not only that but you took examples which don't entirely subscribe to their respective sides in the first place. ME2, while incredible, was more shooter than RPG, maybe not for your from your shooter heavy perspective, but in reality it was. FFXIII has kept certain JRPG elements, but largely is attempting to revolutionize the genre with a whole bunch of new ideas at once, some seem decent some not. Regardless of how their attempt to shift the paradigm (play on XIII gameplay intended) works out, the game itself is a far cry from the JRPG roots.
ReplyDeleteThats my only real issue with this review, is that your calling those two games things which they are not. I've heard that most players will find the first 1/3 - 1/2 of the game hard to swallow, so you've still got plenty of hours to go. Also the strictly linear plot was very much over emphasized and intentional, once again specific to FFXIII. But with those details out of the way, I think it'd be hysterical to hear your thoughts on Heavy Rain, unfortunately I'm not sure how you'd be able to play the PS3 exclusive, but if you get a chance I think it'll make you rethink some of the stuff you broadly critiqued so harshly. Just keep trudging through the game, and if your lucky you'll get to that rich creamy inside some people have been talking about.